


If Love Were Enough

by lhknox



Series: I Will Remember Your Light [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Medical, Drama, F/F, Grey's Anatomy AU, Medical Inaccuracies, Romance, it's sad but then happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-06
Updated: 2016-10-06
Packaged: 2018-08-19 21:14:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8224981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lhknox/pseuds/lhknox
Summary: “Lexa, Costia wanted me to tell you that if love were enough… if love were enough, she’d still be here with you.”or,Clarke and Lexa share the worst night of their lives. And then are thrown back together four years down the track.A Grey's Anatomy inspired story because why the hell not.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Much to my mother's disappointment, I am not a doctor, nor will I ever be. Anything medical is probably wrong or remembered incorrectly from a Grey's episode.
> 
> Enjoy.

_ “Is she here yet?” _

_ “I’m afraid not, Costia. We need--” _

_ “I know, I know. It’s better this way.” _

_ “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” _

_ “Dr Griffin--” _

_ “Call me Clarke.” _

_ “Will you be the one to talk to my Lexa?” _

_ “I will.” _

_ “Can you tell her something from me?” _

_ “I promise.” _

 

///

 

They meet on one of the worst nights of Clarke’s life. 

 

What was supposed to be a night off turned into an all-hands-on-deck, patients everywhere type of one. Losing any patient is hard, but losing Costia takes the wind out of Clarke, numbs her to the very core. Looking into Costia’s brown, sharp eyes, both of them knowing she was about to die. Holding her hand as the monitors flatlined. Holding the heavy promise of delivering her dying words to her fiance. Costia’s face is one that will cling to Clarke’s memory for a very long time, always hovering over her and refreshing whenever the blonde loses another patient.

 

A nurse points out Lexa to Clarke, but Clarke thinks she would’ve recognised her anyway. She sits stoically; the only sign of her nerves is her wringing hands. Clarke doesn’t know how she manages to look so graceful sitting in a plastic hospital chair, but somehow Lexa makes it look like a throne. Her green eyes dart about the room, looking for the person who may be able to finally give her the information she needs. 

 

“Do you need me to go with you?” Dr. Kane asks her.

“No, it… it should be me,” Clarke replies, her voice wavering, her hands shaky. As Clarke approaches the dark-haired girl, Lexa’s head snaps us, and in the instant the green of Lexa’s eyes meets Clarke’s blue, Clarke knows that Lexa’s heart sinks. Clarke knows that Lexa can feel the news of Costia’s death radiate off of her. 

 

“Lexa Woods?” Clarke says, and the brunette nods, standing and offering a hand to shake. “I’m Dr. Clarke Griffin. I took care of Costia tonight.”

“The call I got didn’t really say anything, just that I should get here as soon as I could…” Clarke’s heart drops for the hundredth time that night.

“Lexa, I’m sorry but Costia’s injuries were too extensive, we tried everything we could but there was too much damage to her body.” Clarke wills her voice not to break, for the overwhelming emotion not to spill over into the horribly professional side of the job.

“Could you tell me what happened, please?”

“A large metal pole, uh, it impaled her and another passenger. There was irreparable to her spine, her aorta was torn to shreds…”

“She was in pain.” It’s a statement, not a question.

“No,” Clarke assures her. “We kept her very comfortable, right until the end. She was…”  _ She was cracking jokes. She was laughing and joking right up until she wasn’t anymore. _ “She was lovely and smiling until the very end.” Lexa lets out a ragged breath. Clarke reaches out a hand and rests it on Lexa’s knee. Screw professional boundaries, Clarke knows exactly what this girl is feeling and it’s killing her.

“Lexa, Costia… she wanted you to know…” Clarke tries to steady her voice once more. “She wanted me to tell you that if love were enough… if love were enough, she’d still be here with you.”

 

It’s then Lexa breaks. She crumbles forward, a brutal sob tearing through her chest and shaking her body. Tears fall into her lap, and she blindly grasps for Clarke’s hand. Clarke feels the wet of her own tears as they fall, and she holds Lexa’s hand even tighter. She has no clue how long she stays there with Lexa, but when Kane interrupts to take Lexa to identify the body, Clarke goes straight from the hospital to the small bar across the street, and she drinks until she can’t remember.

 

///

 

The second time Lexa meets Clarke Griffin is in a dingy bar on a Thursday night. The place is crawling with off-duty doctors and men hitting on her, but Lexa only has eyes for the blonde at the end of the bar, who drowns her sorrows with shot after shot. Seeing the doctor makes Lexa’s stomach feel heavy and sick, the grief of losing Costia rushing back in an instant. It’s been four years since she’d died, but looking at Clarke from across the bar makes it feel as though it happened yesterday. She goes to leave, but Lexa can’t look away from the sadness in Clarke’s shoulders, the pain in her eyes. Lexa knows that feeling all too well. She downs her drink, and uses the liquid courage to approach the doctor.

 

“Dr. Griffin?” she asks as she approaches. Clarke’s head snaps up, and her eyes take a second to focus on Lexa. “You probably don’t remember me, I’m--”

“Lexa,” Clarke says softly. “Lexa… Woods, that was it. You were Costia Jones’ fiance.”

“That’s some memory you’ve got there.”

“It’s not every day you ruin someone’s life in thirty seconds,” Clarke retorts with a harsh laugh, downing another shot.

“May I?” she asks, gesturing to the seat beside Clarke. The blonde nods, and orders another drink. “Make that two,” Lexa tells the bartender.

“Why are you here?” Clarke asks, her words heavy with drink.

“My sister’s being seen by your top neurosurgeon tomorrow,” Lexa replies.

“No, why are you  _ here _ , next to me? I killed your fiance.” Lexa winces at the harshness of Clarke’s words.

“You look like you’ve had a hard day,” Lexa says simply. Clarke laughs again.

“Something like that,” she replies. The bartender hands them their drinks, and Lexa’s holds hers up to Clarke. They clink the glasses and down their contents. And for a few moments, Lexa hopes that Clarke can find some sort of small comfort in her presence.

“I saw her today,” Clarke whispers, “Costia.” Lexa sits patiently, ignoring the race of her heart, and waits for Clarke to continue. “It sounds crazy, I know. But I see her whenever I have… difficult cases. I lose a patient, and all of a sudden it’s four years ago and I can’t save the girl with the brightest brown eyes who can’t stop talking about her fiance.” Lexa silently orders to more drinks and the girls drink together once more.

 

“I see her, too,” Lexa confesses, the alcohol still burning her throat. “I almost crashed my car once because I was sure I saw her crossing the street in front of me.”

“It’s different, you loved her. You didn’t kill her.”

“And neither did you.”

“I did. I couldn’t help her. I couldn’t help my patient today. I couldn’t help dozens in between. I’m a killer,” Clarke hangs her head, “I can’t wash their blood from my hands.”

“You are not a killer, Clarke. That’s not who you are.”

“You don’t know me.”

“I know that you comforted me in the moment my life fell apart. I know that you stayed with Costia until the very end, and you held her hand and you let her talk about me. I know you tried your hardest to save her.  _ That’s  _ who you are. Losing them, it’s the downside to a high-stakes profession… that’s the job, but it’s not you.” Lexa rests a comforting hand over Clarke’s, and lets the blonde calm herself down a bit.

“Can I ask you a highly inappropriate favour?” Clarke asks, her words slurring as the alcohol catches up.

“Of course.”

“I’ve had way too much to drink, and I can’t… I can’t go home tonight. I can’t handle Octavia and Raven tonight.”

“Octavia and Raven?”

“My roommates.”

“Say no more.”

 

///

 

Clarke isn’t sure if she’s woken by the light streaming in through the window or the loud bang that’s followed by an ‘oh fuck!’ Whatever the case, she stumbles from an unfamiliar bedroom and into a strange apartment with no idea where she is. The kitchen is small, and a brunette scrambles to pick up the remnants from the breakfast she’s dropped. She jumps up when she hears Clarke pad into the kitchen.

“Good morning,” Lexa says warmly, and Clarke squints at her.

“Lexa?”  _ Oh no, no no no this is bad. _

“I assume you don’t remember the tail end of last night, then,” she says with a soft, almost sad smile. Clarke shakes her head. “You didn’t want to face your roommates after your day yesterday. I brought you back here. I took the couch.”

“Thank you,” Clarke says, still freaking out internally, “it was highly unprofessional of me to ask-”

“Don’t mention it,” Lexa replies, “it’s really okay. I even made breakfast. I, er, tried to make breakfast.” She stares at the mess of eggs on the floor

 

Clarke knows that too many lines have been crossed. The lines have been turned into a jumbled mess, completely meaningless and confusing. But right now she’s already late for rounds and Lexa’s staring at her with kind green eyes, and for a moment Clarke can’t feel the pain from yesterday’s tragedies. She throws all caution to the wind.

“Let me take you to breakfast,” she says slowly, “It’s the least I can do, and I can show you the best places to get coffee at the hospital… cause, you know… your sister… I assume you’ll, like, be there a lot?” Oh god, was it the early hour making Clarke all nervous and rambly? She sure hoped so, because the other option would make things incredibly awkward and inappropriate. 

“Breakfast sounds great,” Lexa finally replies, her smile broadening.

“Great! Er, good. I’ll go get dressed and then we can get going.” 

 

///

 

“So who’s your sister seeing again?” Clarke asks Lexa as they sit down to breakfast in the hospital cafeteria. Before Lexa can answer the question, two figures loom over the table, staring daggers at Clarke.

“So you disappear from Joe’s last night, you don’t come home, you don’t come to rounds, and now we find you on a morning date?” 

“It’s not a date,” Clarke replies a little too quickly, throwing a glance at Lexa who suddenly seems incredibly interested in the lid of her coffee cup. “Look, can we not do this right now?”

“No, we’re doing this right now,” the second girl replies, folding her arms across her chest. Clarke sighs dramatically.

“Sorry for this,” she murmurs to Lexa who simply nods in reply. “Octavia, Raven, this is Lexa. Lexa is… I treated her fiance once.” Lexa shakes the girls’ hands as they join the table.

“But really, Grif,” Raven says, taking a sip of Clarke’s coffee, “Senior is going to kill you.”

“She was fuming,” Octavia states, corroborating Raven’s hypothesis.

“She of all people should know what yesterday was like for me,” Clarke replies, taking back her coffee with a scowl.

“Yeah but she managed to have her shit together today.”

“So she’s a better doctor than I am. We already know that; she tells me constantly.”

“Just… get to work, Clarke.” Octavia tells her with a sympathetic pat on the arm. She gets up to leave, pulling Raven with her.

“Enjoy the rest of your date,” Raven mumbles as she goes, Octavia snickering beside her. Clarke sighs and turns to Lexa.

“So those were my roommates,” Clarke says.

“They’re charming,” Lexa laughs. “If you need to get to work, we can cut this short. I won’t be offended.”

“Shut up and drink your coffee,” Clarke replies.

 

///

 

“Remind me who your sister is seeing?” Clarke asks Lexa as they turn into a hallway, “We were interrupted last time.” Lexa stops at her sister’s door, her hand resting on the handle.

“Head of neurosurgery, Dr Abby Griffin,” she says opening the door. Clarke feels her face burn under the intense glare her mother gives her from the Lexa’s sister’s bedside.

“Dr. Griffin, how nice of you to show up for work today,” the older woman remarks.

“I, uh, Lexa here was lost?”

“And from what I hear, you showed her the way to breakfast?” Well, fuck. Clarke internally curses her friends or whoever it was that ratted her out. Lexa looks at Clarke in confusion, before making her way to her sister and giving her a brief kiss on the forehead as best she can; Anya’s head is covered in a small mesh helmet designed to scan her brain.

“Sorry I’m late, Anya,” she says quietly. Anya just glares.

“Anya, as I was saying, we’ll monitor you for a few days for any seizure activity and hopefully find the source of the problem. If nothing happens, we may have to try and induce a couple.” She turns to Clarke. “Dr Griffin here will be here to assist you in any way. She’ll start by taking your bloods in just a moment.” Clarke smiles timidly at Anya, refusing to look at Lexa or her mother.

“Clarke,” Abby says, “a word outside please?” 

“Lead the way.” Once outside, Abby goes from passive aggressive to just plain old aggressive.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Abby fumes. Clarke stares at her mother, refusing to take the bait. “You don’t show up for rounds, you’re wearing last night’s clothes, you  _ reek _ of a dirty bar, and worst of all you’re on a date with a patient??”

“A patient’s sister, actually. And it wasn’t a date.”

“I. Don’t. Care. You’ll stop whatever little act of rebellion this is and be professional for god’s sake. Do you understand?” Clarke barely nods. “Now go put on some goddamn scrubs.”

 

///

 

Clarke comes back to Anya’s room twenty minutes later, her hair tied back, her blue scrubs bright and clean.

“Hi, Anya, I’m Dr. Griffin. Ready for your bloods?” 

“Yep, go ahead,” she gestures to her sister, “I think you’ve already met my sister, Lexa?” Lexa blushes, and Clarke’s heart flutters as the green eyes stare at her softly. The three girls sit in silence as Clarke takes a few small phials of Anya’s blood and excuses herself from the room, promising to be back soon to monitor the patient. Lexa follows closely behind her.

“Clarke,” she says to get her attention, “I’m sorry I got you in trouble this morning.”

“It wasn’t you,” Clarke replies, “It was my mother confusing our personal problems for professional ones.”

“She’s your mother. Right.”

“Oh what a tangled web we weave.”

“Either way, I wanna make it up to you. Maybe dinner tonight? Or whenever you’re next free?”

“Lexa, it’s not-”

“Appropriate, yeah, I know. But I’m not a patient here, and you’re not my doctor. Technically, it’s fine.”

“No it’s not fine. I’m one of the doctors treating your sister, in no world could I date you.”

“So we’ll wait.”

“Huh?”

“Until Anya’s not your patient anymore. We’ll wait.” Clarke bites her tongue, desperately holding back what she wants to say.  _ And what about our other patient we have in common? _

“I, uh, I need to get these to the lab,” she says shortly, before leaving Lexa and her unnerving determination.

 

///

 

Looking after Anya for three days proves to be quite horrible. Between the girl’s stony demeanour, and being forced into a room with a persistent Lexa, Clarke takes extra solace in her short lunch breaks. It’s ruined on Day Three.

“May I join you?” Lexa asks her, approaching with caution.

“Lexa….”

“As friends, I promise.” Clarke gives a small nod, and Lexa sits.

“So is your speciality neuro?” Lexa prods. Clarke nods again. “Following in your mother’s footsteps?”

“Oh god no, my mother didn’t want me in neuro. She didn’t think I could cut it-”

“And now you’re spending your career proving her wrong?”

“Not exactly…”

“Proving her right?” Lexa teases, and Clarke manages a small laugh.

“End of my first year as a resident I was put in the ER on a night shift. One of the quietest nights I’d ever seen; I did maybe ten stitches the whole night. It gets to about eight in the morning and I’m about to clock out when the doors open and in rolls my dad on a gurney.”

“Oh, god.”

“My mom had just finished her shift and gone home to find him on the kitchen floor. It was an ischemic stroke. There was nothing to be done. It ruined me for a while, but then I decided that neuro was for me, that I’ll become the best and then study strokes and crack the code that nobody else has managed to.”

“A noble life pursuit,” Lexa tells her earnestly.

“And what do you do with your life, Lexa?”

“I’m a lawyer specialising in social work and child wellbeing.”

“Speaking of noble pursuits.” Clarke says with a low whistle. Lexa chuckles.

“Right out of law school I got a job at a big corporate firm because the money was too good to refuse… A year after Costia died I decided it was time to follow my true passion. Life without passion is a life not worth living,” Lexa stares intently at Clarke as she speaks, as though she can see the blonde’s soul and every last secret. Clarke can’t stand it. She jumps up.

“Lexa, this has to stop. You have to stop.” She walks away, but Lexa catches up to her moments later.

“Clarke I wish you would just speak to me instead of running off,” she says, exasperatedly. 

“What’s to talk about, Lexa? This shouldn’t be happening, I don’t care how technically legal it is!” Clarke tries to rush ahead, but Lexa remains by her side and they walk the usual route to Anya’s room.

“What’s wrong with this? I know you’re into me, I can tell.”

“What’s wrong with this?? Lexa, you know damn well!” They stop outside of Anya’s room.

“If this is about Costia--”

“OF COURSE THIS IS ABOUT COSTIA!” Clarke roars. “I  _ killed  _ her, Lexa, I told you she  _ haunts  _ me, and you still think this is okay?”

“Clarke--”

“No, don’t. This is inappropriate and will never be okay!”

“Clarke--”

“What???” she yells, and Lexa timidly points behind her. Clarke whirls around only to come face to face with her mother. Every other spectator to her blow-up seem to busy themselves at the same time.

“Inside. Now,” her mother snarls and the two girls quickly enter Anya’s room. “What the hell is wrong with the you? Are you trying to ruin my reputation at this hospital?”

“Oh god, not everything is about you, mom!” Clarke yells back. “This has absolutely nothing to do with you!”

“You are a reflection of me, Clarke. Your actions speak loudly, and people have started talking. How you got into this program. How you got onto the neuro rotation.”

“I got here because I am a damn good doctor, not because you run the joint, and my bad week is not a form of rebellion against you!”

“It looks bad, and---”

“If it looks so bad, fire me!” Nobody in the room moves. Clarke breathes angrily. Abby stares her down. Lexa looks to Anya, and--

“Anya!” she screams. 

 

The blonde falls unconscious, her heart and head monitors going wild. Abby and Clarke run to her side, checking her over. More medical personnel rush into the room, filling it with an organized chaos that terrifies Lexa.

“Right pupil is blown,” Clarke says.

“Could be an aneurysm or a bleed. We’ll need to get her straight to an OR.”

“Clarke, what’s happening!” Lexa yells, as two nurses try to get her out of the room.

“Get her out of here,” Abby commands the nurses. “Clarke, you’re with me.” They wheel Anya from the room in a rush, leaving a panicked Lexa in their wake.

 

///

 

Lexa has a horrible sense of deja-vu. She sits in that damn waiting room on that damn green chair with nothing to do but wait. Octavia stops by twice, bringing her coffee and a friendly smile. Raven walks past twice and throws her a granola bar and a packet of chips (Lexa thinks Octavia made her). At the end of their shifts, they come and sit next to her because ‘you need a friend’ and ‘I may need a lawyer one day’. And then they wait some more and Octavia gets more coffee and Raven asks about her job and somewhere in the back of her head Lexa thinks that dating Clarke Griffin will also include befriending these people beside her and maybe that’s not a bad thing.

 

And then finally Clarke exits from the big ominous doors, pulling her scrub cap from her head and Lexa is on her feet to meet her.

“Lexa-”

“What happened? Is she okay? Did she make it?”

“She had an aneurysm that ruptured. It was small and we missed it on the first few CT scans, but she’ll be fine now.” Lexa lets out a shaky breath.

“She will be?”

“I can take you to her recovery room and you can wait until she wakes if you’d like.” Lexa pulls Clarke in for a tight hug, trying to let the blonde know just how grateful she is in that moment. She thinks Clarke can tell.

 

///

 

Clarke stands at Anya’s door and admires Lexa for a few moments, itching to get her hands on a sketchbook and draw the calm lines of her sleeping face. Clarke checks Anya’s vitals before kneeling down in front of Lexa, and softly shaking her awake.

 

“Lexa,” she whispers, “Lexa it’s morning.” Lexa stirs and Clarke feels her heart flutter when the brunette smiles softly at her.

“Hello, Clarke,” Lexa murmurs, “how’s Anya?”

“She’s doing well. Should be awake soon.”

“That’s good.” They stare at each other, Lexa’s green eyes still soft with sleep. Clarke thinks that those eyes might hold the world within them, a small realm of ideas and laughter. 

“I want to apologize to you,” Clarke whispers softly. “I said things that were out of line. Things I didn’t mean.”

“No, I’m sorry,” Lexa replies, sitting up straight, “I pushed you too hard. I made you uncomfortable in your workplace and that’s not right.”

“So we’re good?” Clarke asks. In a moment, the room stills and the only thing is the steady heartbeat of Anya’s monitor in the background. Time slows down and Clarke watches as Lexa’s eyes dart about her face, trying to drink in every last detail. She leans in minutely, and Clarke mimics her actions.

“Almost,” Lexa breathes. 

 

And then they’re kissing, a tangle of emotions and soft lips, absorbing as much of each other as they possibly can. In a moment, Clarke feels herself changing. She can feel her walls crumbling, itching to be rebuild around Lexa. For a second, she feels the strings that tie her to the earth get cut, and she’s floating away, destined for the heavens. It’s only that Lexa is there, holding her close and not letting the heavens claim her. In this moment it’s Lexa, and nothing else, ties Clarke to the earth.

“Please… stop…” comes a weak voice from behind them. They whirl around, still entwined, to see Anya squinting up at them.

“Anya! How are you feeling?” Clarke asks, busying herself with the girl’s chart, checking her pupils and head. “Lexa, could you please ask a nurse to page my mother? I think she’d like to talk to Anya here.” Lexa kisses her sister on the forehead before heading out of the room. Clarke continues with the inspection.

“Treat her well,” Anya says. She leaves off the  _ or else _ , but it’s most definitely implied. 

 

Clarke nods once because, well, her patient terrifies her and also she realizes that she  _ wants  _ to treat Lexa well. She  _ likes  _ her. Her heart feels warm and her cheeks flush as she realizes that she has a damn school girl crush on Lexa Woods.

 

///

 

“You’re all good to go,” Clarke smiles at Anya, who sighs in relief. “I can go get your discharge papers from reception, if you’d like.”

“No, I’ll go get them,” she replies, “give you two a chance to say goodbye.” She rolls her eyes and makes a gagging sound at the way the two smile at each other. 

 

Clarke pulls out her prescription pad and writes something down before handing the slip to Lexa.

“Your phone number?” 

“As soon as those papers are signed, I’m off Anya’s case. I’ll take that date now, if you don’t mind.” Lexa leans forward and kisses her quickly, careful that nobody sees.

“So you’ll call?” Clarke asks, and Lexa just nods in reply, resting her forehead against Clarke’s.

 

As she watches the sisters leave, Clarke feels her heart lighten. She never would’ve guessed that four years after one of the worst nights of her life, she’d find the girl she wants spend her future with. And she has no way of knowing that in eighteen months time that girl would be waiting for her at the end of an aisle, with their family and friends surrounding them. If love were enough, they’d be happy forever. And Clarke was thankful that it would be.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, I'd love to hear from you over at tumblr-- thepancakedrawer-- and instagram-- californiarollerderby.


End file.
